Mormon Dating Culture (Female Perspective)


Okay so I am here today with my friends Korinne and Izzy and we understand that Justin and Colby and Kwaku did an episode a little while ago on Mormon dating from a guy's perspective so we're here to give it from a girl's perspective So something that the guys talked about is they talked about asking permission to kiss someone

What are your guys thoughts? Okay I have thoughts on this So, my current boyfriend right now, when we first started dating, it was like our third day in and we'd like finished a movie or something and then he was like, "Hey, can I give you a kiss?" I literally picked up a pillow and started screaming into it because I felt so uncomfortable And then after, I was like, "Wait, are you serious?" And he was like, "Sorry I really was just trying to be respectful" Mood completely changed and I was like, "Yeah sure" Not the best first kiss

So guys I don't know Like it was respectful I appreciated it but kind of awkward mood, not there It changes things, like it changes everything when you're like, "Oh, can I kiss you?" instead of I would rather just have like, like if the moment is there, go for it Yeah like if you're holding hands, if you're like showing the signs, yeah, totally fine But what do you think? Hey I'm not a good one to ask on this one cuz I don't think I've ever been asked if I could be kissed I don't think it's very common

I don't think people do it but when they do it, I feel like it would make the situation more awkward, I feel like you just know, like you feel the vibes and then yeah go for it Honestly, take a leap of faith, if she turns you down, sorry guys Yeah I've literally had someone ask permission to hold my hand before No, that's weird

I almost said no It was just weird because I personally like a guy who's really confident and will just go for it and I don't know, I could see how people are trying to be respectful in that way but–For me it just shows like awkward That they're like, they don't feel confident that you like them back On the flip side, I know Kwaku and all them, they talked about consent a lot and that is a big thing nowadays You're like, "Oh, do I have consent to like touch your shoulder?" Things like that where it's like

I feel like if you're giving the signs, you are consenting So what are the signs? Let's talk about signs that girls can give guys, that guys need to learn how to pick up on Yeah, I think personally for me I feel like I get really flirty and touchy but if I'm not flirty and touchy, you definitely know I'm not interested

Like if it's a third date and I'm not like *touchy* it means no, it means I'm not into you That was a cute moment right there I felt manly There are things that girls can do So like for holding hands, I feel like it's so obvious if a girl wants you to hold her hand

Oh yeah If a girl wants you to hold her hand, their hand will be out there and available to hold but if a girl doesn't want you to hold their hand, they're gonna be like– their arms are crossed, they're sitting on their hand, like it's just pretty easy to tell I think So I don't think that girls are as misunderstood or difficult to understand as guys think Because I feel like if you're just watching the body language and looking for those signs then it's not that hard I also like if you spend a lot of time with them, like if you've gone on multiple dates or something, then you're like yeah like I'm kind of like expecting us a little bit like if it's like your fifth date you're like well maybe I don't know like but go for it so so for you guys that don't know ghosting actually is when you're going on dates or someone and like maybe you text her a lot and then all sudden she just stops texting you and will answer your call or vice versa or the boy yeah the boy does it – I've had that happen is it totally socially unacceptable to that or is that becoming more acceptable how do you think I think it's totally wrong I mean I've been guilty of it because you get awkward in these awkward situations when you're like I don't want to be rude you know so yeah no I know I feel yeah I know what you're saying yeah okay there are times when I think you don't like ghost things okay don't get me wrong don't call me that but imagine every one guy and it was like fine but you never texted back like I don't feel like you needed to like like I'm sorry I just don't really want to see you again like I think you can like kind of just like distance yourself okay whereas if you have been dating or like you've been going on lots of dates and you just like drop off the face of the earth like that's not okay definitely don't be I might be wrong on this but in the Pershing's of youth it even talks about how dating is about respecting the person and if you're ghosting someone else feel like that should no no I think honestly honestly is the big honesty is honestly the biggest thing it's so important because if you lead people on I mean I feel like that's the main reason for ghosting is because someone just realized this crap I've gone too far and I don't know what to do now besides not answer anything that they're saying to me I think it's so much better just to cut it off as soon as you know it's not right rather than drag it on way too long because I've been in situations where it's like crap why do I keep saying yes to these dates I don't know and then you just keep going on like this big thing and I feel like that's when ghosting happens so I feel like as soon as you know it's not there it's easier just to cut it off and it's gonna be uncomfortable then but it'd be even worse if you keep it going I think it's important to realize to what Korean said that there's a difference between ghosting and actually like just like giving your space between someone cuz I'd yeah guys a lot of times okay ghost Ariane conversation oh I'm sorry I didn't ghost you at all and so I think it's important to realize like there's these new terms in dating that I feel like people jump to all the sudden and get fended by and you're like yeah dude I'd never have but where what is ghosting like they disappear like yeah yeah there's the ghost ghost in disappeared they're kinda you can't see any there I don't think so I think I don't know I maybe this is why I like dating was hard for me but I'm very bold I'm very – right did I know some guys don't like that good so I know it's so much easier for me though because I don't don't worry about like the playing games yeah what am i doing I know and you turned your friend you're like this to him all the time no matter what what are you carrying what I say culture thing and I don't understand I feel not just in Utah I feel like everybody's got your real thing yeah so what could we do look at it yeah nice Ben make my body the other day I posted on my like snapchat story okay I was like everyone keeps talking about how you taught dating sucks but everyone keeps side doing the same thing and keep talking about the same thing so why like what's wrong what are we missing you know like why do we keep ghosting why do we keep playing games again I feel like I love what you said I love you what you said about being more bold yeah and just being direct like the more honest we are with ourselves about our feelings and like what we're actually feeling the more honest we are to others you know and like yeah so I think that's so important to just be like hey I'm really not feeling it but you're an awesome like you're an awesome dude and then hoping they don't get offended and people need to not get offended so easily yeah and this is coming from the person forgets everything but there's this Co that we talk about in my book of Mormon class um but we could choose to not be offended nobody is literally like offending us like we can control how we react to things our emotions and I think that's a big thing it does not take things so personally because it's not gonna work out with everyone in the end hopefully is just gonna work out with that one person and you're gonna make it work so don't they get to invest it like you want to invest it into relationships and into people but not to a point where you just get devastated after you mean cuz I've gone through that where it's like we're not even dating and it's like I get so heartbroken I did not currently I would get two points were looking good there's this guy who I liked and we weren't even dating and I was just so sad when we stop talking you don't know I definitely been there and I've been thinking about that a lot actually lately is just like the fact that it's not gonna work out with every person that you date and so I know there's like a year ago and I this dude like I really liked him else I can't we'd be so good together like this relationship would be solid and but he didn't like reciprocate that we went on like four dates and you didn't reciprocate it and then I was like Kaiba what the heck is wrong with me like we would have been awesome and I think for a minute I had like anger towards him si well I'm cool like I'm Way rad why do you think yeah I'm done with you no no yeah but I think that that I've been thinking about that lately and like just cuz it didn't work out with him like obviously that was not meant to work out God has a perfect plan you know yeah it's that punish super real and so I I just been like debating that and my Institute teacher I just have lots of stories for you guys but my institute teacher there the day he was he's talking about um corn on the cob and he was like this was related to dating I promise but he said um corn on the cob with some butter and some piranha is so good like we love corn on the cob so yes you you like go ahead and slather some strawberries on that corn and might try to eat that like they don't pair together right but strawberries no listen hear me I don't like anyway so if you just was talking about when you saw there's some strawberries or not fruit oh they don't yeah peanut butter they don't go there like Cory they're really good separate I'll give you half strawberries along they're really good for some people and then corn alone is like really good by itself but together they just don't work and so sometimes in relationships that happens like we have some really good people like awesome stellar people but when they come together they just don't work together and I feel like that is a perfect way to put this situation I really get offended like just because you feel your way rad and you feel he's way red you can't get offended by except you know like if nothing happens for so I think that's so important to keep in mind that something that I've been trying to keep in mind maybe I love that ladies have found people that it drives with right I found your buddy to put or a butter on my heart I mean it's probably straight diabetes amazing okay guys so we know there's lots of things that girls probably do that you don't like – dating Bo we want to talk about a few things that really kind of are cus in dating that you guys do companion yes okay so first thing that I think of okay there was this guy he was talking to his roommates and he was convinced that he should never tell a girl that he was taking her on a date because the girl would get crazy and think that she was gonna want to get married in disguise so I think it's so important to let girls know when it's a date that K is a date so that you're like showing your feelings you're like I don't know even if you don't any feelings you're just getting to know each other yes that's the big thing is just like hey this today this isn't a date just say it and it's so awkward when you're on those dates and you need your card like you're like and then he's like oh and he looks at you and you kind of stir yeah no that's the thing like the stare down pour my but it's really one of those I not talked to so many friends about that yeah how it's just like awkward well then guys feel bad too because they're like noise want to treat you like let me serve you you're like I didn't know that was your fault yes like I said hey you wanna hang out okay okay now I'm gonna assume it's not a date Oh having rated three P's elder Oaks said that the three things – dating the three P's are planned paid for and paired off and so those are important things that guys can do that super easy like hey we're gonna pair off we're gonna plan this like a little jaunt to the like ice cream store down the street just us – I was like going with that was a cool song oh yes first thing I don't know I was where does that come from no idea it's good to keep going guys no freak apostle of the Lord said it like guys know I love that I think that I think that's so true what about guys who think that they deserve to get some kind of physical I call from and beyond today I want to say like girls never owe anything like girls out there you never owe anything to guys just because he took you on a nice day yeah or he was nice your family your friends you know anything to him if you still don't feel that way towards him that's okay you're not obligated to go on more dates or give him any kind of physical affection that he's looking for because you're just not you really get it to that no and guys you should never make a girl feel obligated like you not to me shows that you don't respect the woman or womanhood in general or your priesthood like honestly I'm not kidding like yeah if you expect that from a girl that's like super-sick oh and I feel like it's a real thing like there are some people in Provo and just in general with like they are just trying they're not trying to get a relationship at all they're just trying to get the physical stuff make moles nicmos can we talk about that like one yeah it's so good so why is that a potato is non-committal make out and it's pretty much like sleeping around for the rest of the world is nicmos in Provo I feel like is it kind of a good way to explain it we're guys they're not interested in like taking out on dates or like getting to know here that does want to make out it's just not good I mean I feel like that's pretty self-explanatory but I personally feel like guys should only be trying to get kind of physical stuff if you're looking to pursue a relationship with someone because I feel like that's something that's not sacred but it's getting towards if I explain this right well I also think like if you're kissing someone shows like physical affection shows like that you love them and some form you know like obviously you're not like in love with them but you know it's like hey I'm interested yeah and so if you are just making out with someone for no reason then that's not using it for the right wait you know it's not just for zhan it's like for your own pleasure basically okay I don't know what do you guys think about like when that's okay to start doing does that like when holding hands and kissing and things like that yeah like oh yeah okay so like is it okay to piss on their first date would you think about that because lots of people have varying views on them ya know for me I think it depends on the situation because if it's like someone who you've been really close friends with for a long time and you know you like each other but it's the first date that might be okay because you known each other for a little bit on but for the most part I would say you probably don't kiss on the first date especially if it's like you guys don't really know each other that well especially if it's the first time you're meeting I know that sometimes there's like an instant connection but for me I usually just tried not to kiss on the first date I feel like that's done be moving too fast for me and I feel like for me what's most important in dating is like your emotional connection that you have I'm the what you're feeling and you can't know someone emotionally I feel like on the first date no you can't know what makes them tick and I feel like physical intimacy should come a lot like I think it's important to like there's no harm in waiting yeah right yeah because once you like cross that barrier you've crossed that bird yeah and then kissed him and then you're like oh my gosh I actually really yeah so it's good just to avoid I feel like physical I'm like the physical stuff until later on yeah yeah I've kind of figured out where you feel emotionally and spiritually yeah I feel like another thing too because we practice abstinence when you already start moving too quickly to making out part there's not that much further to go and I feel like that's just a really easy way that you could slip into the wrong things and start getting into trouble there just because there's only so far you can progress so that's why I think about that time okay guys so marathon dates are when it literally is a marathon you run a marathon together you know everyone ate lots way too long so the first date it would be like one did more than one to two hours is what we agreed on right we think that more than one to two hours is just this a little too long even going three is pushing it at that point yeah you should never like be hungry for the next meal or try to go for like two meals yeah three meals because that's just too much it should be like a meal or like ice cream or something planned and it should never go like wait too much over that yeah and honestly we at least for me in my opinion like I don't want to go on a first date with anyone if it's more than an hour it's you like I feel like I've reached my like emotional capacity think I might be really enjoying myself like take a break we're just like let's regroup another day yeah whereas there's only so many questions you can ask yeah you know the first day yeah it's all like we're smalls not getting to know each other and you've got a lever wanting more don't put it all out on the table after the first day and don't let it go too long because you got to keep her interested in the intriguing yeah girls are super confusing we understand that and so even if they're acting like they're having the way good time on your first date most like chances are they probably may be okay sure no yeah some girls I don't know so I think the best is to just engage it I wanted to and then take her home and then wait for the posting right oh my gosh yes okay thoughts on post a text it's okay yeah so proposed a text is after you've on a date either the girl that guy sends the text I and the text is like oh my gosh thanks so much I had such a good time I'd love to do this again sometime that text you but it's basically reaffirming that yeah I do it was great we want to see each other again yeah okay but I hit first four years I don't send a post a text sorry to anyone because I didn't think it was important I was like oh they know I'm interested like we talked about at the door like when they drop me off like yeah we should really do this again and so I don't feel like I need to send a post a text but then people got offended and I was like what's going on here you know like you didn't send a post a text I was like oh sorry so I had a very good message no fee yeah no it's like a thing it's been written rule so I've been really good to us anyway cuz I guess it just like confirms like yeah let's do it again yeah but I didn't know people expected it but I didn't write it for years and I think though when you realize it you're like oh you kind of naturally sometimes do it too because you're thinking about the guy after you know and I feel like that's why it's sweet and that's why people think it's important it's because you're like still thinking about them after yeah and I think guys need a lot of like affirmation because it's girls on dates and they can't really pick up a nonverbal signs didn't have to be this way of delicious to post a text don't stress like just try it one more time see what happens yeah she responds like it's not the integral cuz obviously I don't know so you know that was fun yeah so just play it out yeah okay so when you guys are not into a guy we're in the past when you haven't been into a guy how do you show them you're not into them like how can they get the hint like what does that mean to you they need to be able to read my mind I think I kind of just like not playing games I guess this is playing again but just kind of like texting back in like a day or two and just like hey and then just answer like normal does that make sense i guy the conversation is just kind of like dies out and I don't read if they're just like if the text is just like okay or something I don't carry on the conversation like yeah whereas if I like them I'm gonna probably try to carry on yeah well I feel like I'm so busy with like school yeah work like there's so much going on and if I'm not interested in the person like I don't make time in my day to see them and I honestly like not making excuses I really just like have my day filled I don't like if they're an important person like I'll make the time I'll not sleep although I'll go hang with you yeah like if they're not important I'll be like sorry like I have lots going on like it I'm being honest yeah but I'm not so that's what I do kind of no I totally do that so it's really like it's hard with school and you know just being so busy but I feel like if you can tell a girl likes you'll buy if she is going out of her way to text you or talk to you or try to see you and sometimes girls are busy yeah but I feel like a lot of girls me and this goes for guys too we just don't really like to be confrontational and sometimes be really awkward a straight up tell them no I don't want to see you again so I feel like a really easy way to tell if it girls interested if they're going out of their way to do making more time like you said yeah otherwise if they're like hey I'm just super study like super busy studying for all my exams I probably wouldn't study for my exams if I wasn't trying to but we love guys anyway even though there are some things it's okay because nobody's perfect do we understand that and there's always gonna be maybe miscommunications but I think honestly honesty is the best policy and just being straight up in bold is the best thing to do for girls and guys fellas thanks so much for joining us today this is so but having girls here I love you but I love these girls so if you guys enjoyed this episode let us know be sure to comment down below with any other tips or tricks you have for dating or just your experiences that they've been like also be sure to subscribe to us here on YouTube and you can hit the notification bellow that way you can get notified every single time we upload a video be sure to follow us on Instagram on Twitter and on Facebook so you're not dating anyone number she's a cool my concert she still was amazing wait what do you study universe Family Studies it's the girl you water in your dreams